So recently I discovered that Hulu has EVERY episode of Highlander. There are 118 of them. You can imagine my stoke level upon unearthing this treasure. I used to stay up late every week to watch Highlander without fail. It was the only show I gave a shit about. My friends and I would make our own wooden swords and fight the shit out of each other. At one point I think I even tried to grow Adrian Paul hair. After all these years, it’s kind of cool to be able to go back and relive some of my favorite moments.
Or not.
Highlander sucks. I am just realizing this. I started watching the show again after, I don’t know, 15 years. There are several things that really piss me off about this show. I’m going to offer some video footage to support some of my claims, both from the movie and from the tv show.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #1
These people “live and die by the sword”. They survive for centuries. You’d think they’d be better at swordfighting than a couple of jackasses flailing strips of metal about through the air like a bunch of fifth graders. Here’s a clip from the first Highlander movie of the first fight scene.
For real? Dude, I can sword fight better than that and I’ve never even owned a sword. I would pwn you.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #2
Is it just me or are all immortals condemned to a live of antiques dealing? Both Duncan and Connor from the movies and show are antiques dealers as if that’s the only viable skill they have. I get that the show was based off the movie, but why not do something cool? He could probably make way more money as a gigolo. But then again, his fucking skills are probably as good as his sword-fighting skills. So nevermind.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #3
What the fuck are you wearing? Ok, this is not your fault, Highlander. It is society’s fault. I blame the late 80′s through the mid-90′s. I guess I’m just pissed because…we dressed like that too. We didn’t know, either.
Yeah, that’s Joan Jett in there. I wanted to actually find the clip of Richie rollerblading with his walkman.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #4
Did I mention they should be better at swordfighting? Here’s one from the TV series.
Oh, wait. That was Star Trek. Sorry. Here’s the real clip. This is Duncan vs. Connor.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #5
They are portrayed as martial arts badasses. I again attribute this to the time period. Martial arts movies peaked in the 90s with Van Damme and they never really came back except for a brief revival with Jet Li. Someone who actually belongs in martial arts movies. The martial arts in Highlander are on par with the choreography they give actors playing Special Forces soldiers. It’s just sad. The shit is on par with Roadhouse 2. It’s just not believable, not for these guys who are old as dust. Donnie Yen in Endgame was the ONLY thing they ever did right.
Thing That Pisses Me Off #6
I’m still going to watch the rest of these goddamned episodes. Fuck you, Highlander.