While reading your e-book and listening to your audio coaching, I recently came across your take on someone’s attitude when meeting women and how they should have a specific mindset.
Well, how do you actually change your mindset or thinking? For example, do you just recite out loud the new ideas in your head over and over or what?
As I read about how to be more cocky and funny, I realized I had been mostly working on the lines and jokes. Then I realized that it was actually cocky and funny ATTITUDE. I guessed that it’s the attitude that you must work on rather than the jokes and lines, and that you must have a specific mindset (and character) when approaching a women to become successful at doing this.
Well, my question is, how do you develop this attitude or mindset?
Yes, it’s always about ATTITUDE. You’re absolutely right on.
You see, you can do just about anything with a woman and it will work – IF you have the right attitude.
However, if you have the wrong attitude, NOTHING you do will work.
Why is this?
Part of it is due to your body language and a ton of subtext and sub-communication that is going on when you talk to a woman.
Scientific studies have proven that 83% of all communication occurs at a level outside of the words you speak. In other words, the actual things you say are only 17% of the actual communication that’s going on. Everything else is eye contact, tone, inflection, body posture, pacing, etc.
That’s why it’s so important that you say things with conviction and attitude. Everything you say should communicate intense Alpha Man Confidence.
You cannot communicate what you don’t believe.
Listen to TV preachers for an example. You can tell when they’re communicating with conviction. You can hear it and see it, and it’s moving. Even over the thousands of miles of distance to your television screen, you FEEL what they’re communicating.
All great speakers have this power, and even average guys like you and me can learn how to use it.
Your question about how you change your thinking is directly related to this concept. That’s where you need to start new habits of thinking. It all starts with recognizing WHAT you’re thinking, and either ignoring those thoughts or changing them to serve you.
Ignoring our thoughts is often too difficult, even when we know they’re negative or wrong. Thoughts are habitual and familiar, and tough to shake. The there’s fear always trying to get in the way. It’s usually our fears that stop us from acting like the person we want to be.
So the easiest way to change your thinking is to simply ACT like the person you want to be. Jump right into the driver’s seat, and stop thinking it through. It all starts with BEHAVIOR.
The quickest way to change your thinking is to change your behavior. The more you act like the person you want to be, the more that these thoughts and attitudes will start to creep in and become part of your character. If you ACT confident and sure, you’ll FEEL confident and sure.
Think about it: You can’t smile and laugh without feeling good inside. It’s just not possible. That’s an example of action influencing thought. In the same way, it’s impossible to go up to 20 women and introduce yourself without feeling more confident about the process of approaching women after you’ve done it.
You’ve got to train your mind to be confident and cocky. It’s the action that gets you to start changing your thinking. You can’t just change all your thoughts in one minute, suddenly jump into the game of attraction, and expect to be an overnight success.
Start by trying a bunch of approaches, and then learn from them. Go out and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Screw a bunch of them up. So what! There are more women on this planet than you have time to meet.
The road to success is paved with many mistakes. You only need to make MORE mistakes, learn and improve, and then your fear will disappear. That’s what separates the Alpha Men from the stay-at-home beta guys who never get laid.
Go and tease a few women, be a little cocky. Show her that you don’t need her to approve of you (this is very important) and then you will start to get the ‘attitude.’ You might even have to start by faking it until you make it, but it WILL come to you.
Your attitude is mixed right in there with your actions and behavior. It’s not a separate ingredient, like adding eggs to your cake batter. You develop the right attitude with both behavior AND words.
Your “attitude” is simply this one way of thinking: “I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ME.”
That sounds so simple, but 95% of all guys go at the game of approaching and attracting women with an attitude that her opinion (or possible rejection) will crush him if she doesn’t like him. Guys mistakenly believe that a woman’s thoughts somehow MATTER.
Remember, no one makes you inferior without your permission, guys.
It’s all about using your strengths and attitudes to communicate an Alpha Man attitude to women. Once you can communicate independence and strength, you’re most of the way there.
- Carlos Xuma